can we murder this book and put it out of its misery
or put it out of my misery
this is really long lol
open up, cassie in times square, being all Action Girl. don’t mess with her, she’s tuff y’all. why is she even in times square on new years eve tho. like, she’s hiding from a super secret evil mega group, why would she go somewhere so out in the open surrounded by people who she could put in danger. AND she’s drawing attention to herself because she’s literally shoving everyone and running. when did she have time to put on all that make up and get that outfit??? CASSIE IS SMARTER THAN THIS ugh.
Lobdell does this a lot, I’ve seen. many little things don’t make sense so that the plot seems cooler than it actually is. but the plot is not cool. it’s really boring and NOWHERE has yet to be a cool group antagonist for me. it’s becoming the haley’s circus to teen titan’s nightwing. as in, WHY ISNT THIS OVER YET, I LITERALLY GIVE NO FUCKS. because Lobdell hasn’t inspired me at all with his writing to give any fucks. because he’s a terrible writer.
so then we go back to Miguel and Celine who are chatting. Just in case you forgot, Miguel is mexican. Did you know he’s mexican?? Did white man Lobdell mention Miguel is from a little village in Mexico yet? Did you see all the little spanish that Lobdell threw in there, just in case you didn’t believe that Miguel was Mexican? MEXICANNNN. jfc talk about every queer latino stereotype rolled up into one person. I am not impressed but I feel like Lobdell is impressed with himself so I hate him even more.
AND CELINE, WHAT is going on with your hair??? it defies gravity. does brett booth think this is how black women’s hair actually works?? and what’s with this trend in Lobdell’s books that makes black ppl monsters? Celine is LITERALLY TURNING INTO A MOSTER EVERY TIME SHE CHANGES INTO SKRITTER. SHE CAN FEEL IT INSIDE OF HER. WHY DOES LOBDELL THINK THAT IS A GOOD PLOT FOR THE ONLY BLACK CHICK IN ALL THREE OF HIS SHITTY BOOKS. why. WHY. why. it’s not special or unique or interesting. WHY.
but don’t worry, wonder child tim drake has the answers. let’s peak in on our take charge leader now
heh heh heh fuq u 4ever tim. lol such shitty dialogue.
I will say he looks pretty good here though. I feel like every characters gets maybe one panel to look semi-attractive and every other panel is hideous because Brett Booth is a TERRIBLE ARTIST who needs to go back to the 90s and stay there.
case and point.
so yeah, bart and kiran somehow (???) show up to Tim’s penthouse. small world right. I think the coincidence is supposed to be explained but it’s not like I’m on the edge of my seat wondering.
kiran is cute and hopeful and she and Miguel have a nice-ish if not completely forced moment. NOWHERE apparently messed her up and turned her into that ash/coal dark smoke thing. why keep her culturally respectful and beautiful pre-reboot incarnation that is a bright ray of sunshine when you can turn her into sad black ash to drive home some messed up point that your villains are evul amirite.
and this is cassie fighting superboy. Ass and tits, who would have expected less.
jfc this art I hate it so much. ugh at least it’s a nice ass I guess. their fight is completely bananas though. they just take turns hitting each other and going WHOA HE/SHE IS STRONG HOW TOTALLY UNEXPECTED and IF WE WERE IN ANOTHER SITUATION, I’D TOTALLY THINK HE/SHE IS HOT. WHO KNOWS WHAT COUlD HAVE HAPPENED…. dot dot dot
omg shut up. this is such shitty writing, such shitty inner dialogue, shitty regular dialogue, completely predictable. so bad.
:( I’m only including this because this is tim and bart’s first meeting in the reboot :( DONT YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN TO EACH OTHER :( :( :( wah
then tim whines about bart using his shirt and ACTUALLY COMPARES BART STEALING HIS SHIRT TO NOWHERE STEALING TEENAGERS AND HE IS COMPLETELY SERIOUS. Yes, Tim, borrowing a shirt is exactly like kidnapping minors.
SHITTY FACES. WHY IS THIS MOTHER FUCKER A PAID ARTIST ON A TOP TEIR BOOK. WHY.
tim is the least likable person. I feel really bad for ppl who love tim drake because holy shit, what an asshole. look at his face, Tim is ACTUALLY FURIOUS that the kid who almost died from hypothermia took his rich boy sweater. does Lobdell think this is how friendships are actually formed??? abused, hurt teenagers circling around a TERRIBLE SELF IMPORTANT DOUCHE OF A LEADER WHO THEY DONT EVEN KNOW APART FROM HIS CRAPPY BLOG???
and teen titans is supposed to be all about friendship! this is the laziest, shittiest, most ridiculous and convoluted way to get a group of stranger teenagers to be on a team together. I srsly don’t get it. THIS is the teen titans origin story. THIS is their year one. I mean the plot is pretty basic and standard for these types of team gatherings—evil force brings group of misfits who need the power of friendship together—but then it turns into THIS FESTERING PILE OF SHIT. I just. I don’t even.
It was done so well with Runaways, Young Avengers, Young Justice, Avengers Academy and done well with at least four of the titans incarnations pre-reboot! like. I am baffled. how do you screw this up when it’s such a universal concept and you can draw inspiration from tons of sources, including the original and classic New Teen Titans. these characters have such a rich history and really developed personalities so Lobdell could have used ANYTHING about them to let them shine but no. No, they are unrecognizable from their past selves and completely dull.
I’ve never read such basic, boring, one dimensional caricatures of A-list characters. This is the FOURTH ISSUE and I literally give no shits about any of them. Nothing thrilling or exciting has happened. And the only reason I kind of care about Celine is because I want her to make out with Cassie.
am I being too harsh on this book??? am I?? I don’t think I am! srsly I want to know if I am being ridiculous. I just honestly don’t think this is on any level of quality and idg how anyone is actually spending money on it in good conscious. it’s really offensive in so many ways and it’s terribly written and it’s boring and it’s completely predictable and I can’t wait until a completely new creative team who didn’t just glance at these characters’ wiki pages takes over.